It's my turn in the Truth or Dare Group, and the quite evil Laurie dared me to spend a day in the life of a woman. Specifically, her dare consisted of the following:
pick a day over the weekend to spoil your wife
Today is as good as any day, since she has one of those really bad Summer colds. Anyone who says men are whinier than women when they get sick hasn't met my wife when she has a cold, so it was pretty much up to me to take care of her today, anyway.
Any housework she does..you will do
Despite Laurie's implications, Strix and I pretty much share the housework. We both work full time and we have no kids. There are a couple chores that I do more or less exclusively, and there are a couple that she tends to do, but for the most part we share it all. At any rate, since she was sick, I had to do it all anyway.
She doesn't have to do anything but lay around and enjoy it.
I don't know how much she's enjoying hacking, coughing, and struggling to breathe, but okay.
I want you to wear a full face of makeup and your wife's favorite dress or outfit at home while completing her busy schedule.
Yeah, see, that's a problem. My wife is of Scandanavian descent, and like many Swedes, she can't wear makeup. It makes her break out, bad. So, I wore the same makeup she tends to wear, i.e., none.
I asked her what her favorite outfit was for doing housework on the weekend, and she gave me her favorite sweats and t-shirt. Okay, I know this is weaseling a little, but there was no way I was going to put a full cross-gendered photo of me on the Internet. If my employees ever found it, it would be printed and sent to every cop and firefighter in the county within a day. I'm afraid this is as close as you're going to get to seeing me complete this dare.
we need to see several photos of you completing this dare.
Sorry they're blurry, but Strix took them and she knows I look better if the picture is blurry. I think she put Vaseline on the lens. Here they are:
Here I am in my wife's sweats, T-shirt, and her crocks. She's a little shorter than me, so the sweats are high-water. The T-shirt says "Sisters in Crime" on it. The crocks are too small for me, so I did the rest of my chores barefoot, or I'd have to send Laurie my podiatrist bill. If you notice that the vacuum cleaner isn't plugged in, that's because it's broken and we haven't had the money to get it fixed, yet. That's Paganini in the foreground, wanting to help vacuum. Really, I'm too ugly to wear women's clothes.
Me doing dishes. Does this meet the requirements of the dare? Not really, since I frequently do the dishes.
Me, getting ready to cook lunch. Oh, hey, I frequently do that, too. Notice the double chin. I should probably skip this lunch, but I won't.
I'm I crying from the onion, or because Laurie saw fit to punish me? You be the judge.
The end result. Couscous with dried apricot and raisins. Very tasty, and apparently good for a woman with a summer cold.
Emptying the litterbox. We have one of those roll-away litterboxes. Oh, wait, the only time Strix does this one is if I'm out of town.
Me doing laundry. Oh, yes, I do this, too.
Okay, here's a chore that Strix usually does. Sometimes I'll sweep and she mops, but usually she does both. Since she was sick today and it really needed clean (and because I had been dared to do all the chores anyway), I did both.
Me trying to figure out how the cleaning pad went on the mop, while Baudelaire is trying to decide if it's food.
Hey, I figured it out! Okay, Strix had to show me.
Ha! I conquered it! I mopped the floor with that... mop.
Who takes out the trash? Whoever can't stand the full trash can anymore.
Oh, one more chore. The bills. I pay them. And no, Laurie, I don't do the bills to control my wife's spending or anything. I do it because I was the one to get our finances set up in Quicken and online bill pay.
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